Sex to Go? Call White House Press Office

An interesting article appeared on World Net Daily yesterday...

the short and curlies of it seem to be that the Bush administration has been employing a male prostitute to field easy questions during tough press conferences.

Obviously, Carl Rove's ideas of a fantasy coincide with mine, and what better merging of flesh and ideology, fantasy made real than a male prostitute whoring himself to the Right-Wing hegemony? It beats the Log Cabin Republicans by a long shot...

I'm tempted to ditch this town and start driving a cab in D.C., somewhere I can put all my skills to use, and get some appreciation for change...

Dangerous Retarded People

The world of mental retardation is full of many myths and misunderstandings. For example, contrary to popular belief, retarded people are not cannibalistic, flesh-eating carnivores. They do not hunt in packs

However, some truths may surprise you. Wyoming holds a disproportionate number of the mentally retarded, as does Florida and many of the Red States. Also, retarded people tend to be very well endowed.

By the way, it is not true that Breakdancers were retarded. Just some of them were. (Just like some of every groups is - you know, crossing guards, Presidents, CEOs, etc., etc.)

I Just Love Queer Beer

...but never when I'm driving the cab.

News reports come from Switzerland of a new, gay lager called Queer Beer. Unfortunately, they don't show what the label looks like. I wonder whether they're going to go for the triangle, or not, or the rainbow, or whatever. Remember when the rainbow used to mean pan-Africanism? But I digress.

This reminds me of my idea from the 80s for a beer called "Iowa Homophobe", that would be served in a really phallic shaped bottle. There was something about the thought of rednecks putting it to their lips that appealed to me at the time, and still does. Plus, I had a deal with some of Janet's beer distributor friends and we were going to get it in at least 4 places in Cedar County (the Valley, Cedar Bluff, Herb and Lou's, and the Presidential Motor Lounge), but then Janet started bartending in Johnson County and everything fell through.

Wherefore art thou, Doctor?

Look, I'm not addicted to the Doctor or their web site. I mean, I only check in 3 or 4 times a week. But that's beside the point. I am being driven crazy by the fact that "The Doctor & gang are NOT in! The McGillicuddy's website will be back online soon. The gang is undergoing extensive Nip&Tuck surgery and will look better than ever when they return. In the mean time, you can contact us by using the email links below and you can visit the Dr. McGillicuddy's General Store to purchase clothing, gear and other goodies."

So what's a cabbie to do? If you love me, I suggest you buy me something to tide me over until I can play a mentholmint online flash game the way I have always wanted to. Try this(I am thinking of the stadium blanket, to fuck you on, so you don't get grass stains everywhere. Because I'm a nice guy).

Journey, Why hast Thou forsaken me?

Once upon a time there was a rock band ... the rock band, really...you might remember them for a little rockin' number called "Anyway you want it, that's the way you need it" which made cinematic history in the classic Rodney Dangerfield vehicle Caddy Shack. I mean, what other bands have had video games made about them? Not even my beloved Beatles.

I was so pleased to see that there was a web site based upon fan fiction about that wonderful frontman, Steve Perry - Perry Tales. Unfortunately, their site is down. Maybe I can talk Phil or Scott to mirror it on one of their sites - if we can just get the content back up there, the internet will be a safer place.

But at least someone managed to save some of the wondrous Perry fiction - you may peruse it here. Don't stop believin'.

I'm Dying Inside ...Eat Your Peas

Heads up and respect to my homey Phil Kirk, who has a new web site featuring art. Okay, that's all well and good, but I don't know what was wrong with the old one. What sounds dirtier, .org(asm) or .cum? I don't know, that's why I'm asking you.

So despite Phil hurting my feelings by changing the web site, let's all be aware of it and you can rush out and buy some things. Have a look at this thinly veiled self-portait of me (I have been accused of narcolepsy, amongst many other things...):

Homopants

God, I wish I had registered this domain name.