Roger's Gay Taxi

Confessions of a taxi driver addicted to the 'Doctor', pizza and Cubs baseball in no particular order. Not just for women who can't have orgasms

Sunday, March 20, 2005

God's Lonely Man

Oftentimes when you're driving the dirty streets of this city, you welcome the rain. On the dry nights, you dream about it. Something clean and pure to wash the filth down the sewer...

But then I stop myself. What's wrong with filth? Maybe our culture has poisoned us into believing artificial fragrances and FDS are more real than real. Personally, I have nothing against the smell of ass, but then I grew up in Manchester. In fact, the rectal thermometer is one of our great achievements.

By the way, contrary to what Angie says, I have never had an affair with her retarded, hot half-brother Spackle. I'm just intrigued by the name.

I'm not sure if it's true, but the rumors on the street are that Angie and Spackle are not just half-brother and half-sister, but formerly conjoined twins, and the reason for his mental incapacity is the unusual occurrence of Angie having eaten part of his brain in utero. I guess she does have pretty good choppers.

Now Playing:
Analog Pussy, "Come over here and be a man"

Thursday, March 03, 2005

What's More Sexy than Football?

Hockey! Does anyone else see a Swedish version of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit in the offing?

Speaking of Law and Order, calls out to anyone else out there with a Jerry Orbach fantasy like me.

In my fantasy, I'm a NYC cabbie. But I'm not fresh meat—I'm a seasoned driver. I know Manhattan and the five boroughs like I know Holland Tunnel hand-jobs.

It's a cold, wet winter night and Briscoe is on assignment. Jack McCoy has been giving him a hard time, Internal Affairs is pissed off, and he's been given a bunch of grief by one of his ex-wives. He's investigating the murder of an illegal Russian Doctor/prostitute who is in with the Russian mob and is possibly the murderer of someone in the Chinese mafia, in a plot involving African blood diamonds, a pedophile commedian, and the Westminster Dog Show.

Anyway, I pick him up in the cab and he's hungry, so we stop by a wonderful NYC deli and get something incredibly greasy and delicious. As he pays me when I drop him off at the crime scene, his hand brushes mine and our eyes lock-

I gotta go...