Why am I always the last one on the block with a Gay Love Slave?

Now that Cooter owns a homo I have to confess to a little bit of jealousy, and, much like Hippo Butt, a bit of perplexity.

Shouldn't I be the one with the Gay Love Slave? Aren't I the one out there on the street, running my sorry sick ass ragged trying to earn a few scheckels and pleasure a few Johns?

If you were a Gay Love Slave, wouldn't you rather have someone with 23 books about Hitler in his personal collection than someone with a penchant for making hitchhikers disappear?

I'm just saying.